Anyone that thinks that American troops are needed to secure Iraq hasn't seen footage of this little fat kid that clearly runs the streets outside of the green zone. Iraq's little Big Pun definitely has shit on lock. (Spolier Alert: This video takes a dark turn at the end)
His jiggle dance is also the freshest thing I have ever seen. I wish I had one of these kids.
UPDATE: One of my friends said this video wasn't funny and if I was ever a fat kid, I would understand. Guess what, I don't think you are getting picked on when you are eating other little kids during snack time.
There are so many things to enjoy in this video that it's almost impossible to start anywhere. I'll choose chronology of events out of laziness, but there are a plethora of other ranking/assessment models that one could choose as well, ranging from the funniest parts, to the most unexpected parts, to the weeziest cough-inducing parts. It's a wild world out there, but I'm just gonna play it safe for now:
1. The first fall All left foot - watch that thing go as she attempts to stay upright. An absolutely stunning piece of foot-trickery, like she's starring in an unholy mash-up of Sling Blade and Lord of the Dance.
2. The second fall The sheer talent displayed in that awkward, ankle-snapping, 2-foot va-voom to the finish is remarkable. How does she do that? She literally wobble-walks for a few seconds, shifting her entire weight to-and-fro on the poorly chosen fulcrum of the abused, ready-to-snap heels sticking out of her absurdly designed shoes like a really socially awkward tumor, or erection. Look at those moves! Incredible. I'm surprised this didn't go viral as a Chris Brown dance or something. It's like the twist, only for people with no discernible bone mass beneath their knees.
3. The first laugh That first hoary gasp that emerges from the anchor's throat - wow. If that's not a PSA for why smoking can be kind of awesome, I don't know what is. Not that I condone smoking, but still - what a character-defining laugh. That is like the laugh equivalent of the 1.5 inch-deep wrinkles on Clint Eastwood's face. That's man-laugh, ladies and gentlemen.
4. The ensuing laugh orgy I recall with a great deal of fondness those types of laughing fits from elementary and high school - when, no matter the inappropriateness of the context or your efforts to stifle it, it was impossible to stop laughing. It doesn't happen as much anymore, but seeing two older anchors break up into paroxyms of giggling while hosting the news gives me a certain heartwarming faith in getting older. Plus, hearing ol' hoary gasp giggle is the aural equivalent of crack cocaine.
5. Clapping Clapping when you're laughing is the pinnacle of the human experience. FACT.
6. Realizing what the model is carrying What the fuck is she doing with a watering can? Who made this decision? No wonder she fell. She was probably just flabbergasted and pissed off that she had to carry a goddamned WATERING CAN down a runway. I'd fall twice too, out of spite. But that's how I roll.
Check out this dope commericial from Cadbury (just trust me). BTW this commerical has literally nothing to do with candy except that it has kids in it. That said, they are the freshist kids to hit the scene since that dancing Beyonce baby jumped out of the TV cabinet.
This, hopefully, will be the rullgood's low watermark as far as inappropriate videos go. This is like the Michael Scott/R.Kelly/Mark Foley mashup of inappropriateness. Truly epic inappropriateness. Ugh. I feel dirty just being in the same room as it.
I'd place even odds on Chris Hansen one day catching up to the creator of this video. And Lil' Jon. Yeaaahhhh! That would be, hands down, the best 'To Catch a Predator' ever. Speaking of which, why didn't anybody ever manage to come up with a 'Celebrity To Catch a Predator'? It's a shame, really. A damn crying shame.
This video is a learning opportunity for the people that come over to play Wii, but have the arrogance to not strap on the controller. To me, this is much like the seatbelt conversation i.e., "I'm not driving until you put your seatbelt on" because both of these situations can result in death to the offender. One question though: Why does he walk up to the TV like he fix it at the end? I think we all just saw what happened. Ma Ma...Ma Ma!!!
Here's a first! Fox, apparently having tired of insinuating that Barack Obama is a terrorist-communist-elitist-Muslim-extremist, or that Michelle Obama is a terrorist-communist-elitist-probablynotMuslim-extremist, have now accused them of shocking, lurid, titillating sexual deviancy.
The undercurrent of all this is the bewildering inability of the media to understand the dap/fist bump/terrorist fist jab. I don't understand it - why doesn't someone, preferably a young person, in one of these sprawling news organizations explain to a higher-up exactly what they're doing? I'm not mad about it, of course - the inability to understand what is going on has certainly been fertile soil for hilarious jokes relating to race, age, and squareness, for lack of a better term - but I am perplexed. In sum, generational divides are teh hilarity.
Definitively, we can say that change has come now that we have our first President that can legitimately hoop. Here is a Youtube Mixtape of Barack's basketball highlights. Someone, please explain to me why he wears Michelle's sweatpants when he works out.
As a counterpoint, here is a video of George Bush playing basketball in Belfast. Seeing that lame touch pass followed up by airball makes me squint. However, I bet he would destroy Barack at Beer Pong.
Fans of Hip-Hop have heard, if not thought and felt, that Hip-Hop is dead for at least.....10 years now. So what does 50 Cent rapping along side Jim Carrey do to the equation? I understand it's Jim Carrey's birthday, but couldn't a shout-out get the job done? Even Vinnie Chase on his worst day has limits.
Sadly, this video represents a trend, not a blip in the death of Hip-Hop.
One of the all-time best news bloopers, in my stunningly humble opinion.
The best part of this video, of course, is the authority with which she blurts out 'gay'. She says it with so much authority, in fact, that I'm almost tempted to believe that she actually had an inside scoop on the story, and accidentally let it slip out. That, somehow, she knew a male friend of a friend who had sexed up a gay, blind Mt. Everest climber but had demanded a promise from the anchor to keep their tryst secret for the time being. That could have happened, right? Right? The look on her co-anchor's face is priceless as well. I almost get the sense that he knew something bad was going to happen - watching him twirl his pencil and steadfastly refuse to look at her gives a hint of the 'I know something bad is going to happen, but I don't quite know what exactly it will be, and I will exist awkwardly until it does happen' strategy, most popularly employed by Mike Myers when Kanye West noted, on live TV, that George W. Bush may not care as much about black people as he does about, say, um, white people. The co-anchor's reaction when she does eventually blurt out 'gay', though not quite as great as Mike Myers' Kanye reaction, certainly occupies the same rarified, life-affirming air of Internet video greatness.
Today, its pretty fitting to pay tribute to the inauguration of President Barack Obama. Check out this video from BBC of MLK's thoughts when America would elect its first Black President (Sorry, we can't stream directly from Rullgood). He wasn't that far off.
Also, I don't think I'm the only one who thinks that Fred Armisen does a terrible Barack impression. I mean, are you telling me SNL can't find someone better? Check out Jamie Foxx's attempt during the pre-inaugaration events (1:20 mark). Much better I think.
So Joaquin Phoenix - the thespian who gave us Commodus - is giving up a career in movies for a career as a... rapper. He has also apparently given up a career as a shaving, properly dressed human, aiming to instead imitate a cleft-lipped, more unshorn and bedraggled Unabomber. It's a gutsy look. In any case, the first moments of his career as a rapper were videotaped, and they are positively spellbinding. World - I introduce you to Joaquin Phoenix, Oscar-nominated actor, social activist, and soon-to-be platinum rapper.
For those not bowled over by that initial performance, the conclusion to his show was undoubtedly the climax of the evening.
The best part of that last video may not even be the fall, actually. The jumping - he looks like a cross between a half-armed rabbit and an inebriated, bipolar sasquatch caught in the vice grisp of alcohol- and hormone-induced mania - is pure, unsullied brilliance. And Casey Affleck - Joaquin's brother-in-law - is currently filming a documentary on this. Ohhhh mercy, mercy me. This going to be the best TV. Yeah. Yeah.
Check out this video of dorks in homemade Transformer outfits that actually transform, sort of. Although awesome, I would rather have our best minds building a new energy infrastructure rather than building costumes that look like applicances with precious materials and scaring the shit out newlyweds.
I think it would have been cooler if they didn't yell out "Transform" because that's not what Transformers said at all.
Evidentally there is an underground Transformer costume movement. Check out the video below with dorks in real Transformer costumes, that actually transform too.
Yes - Large Hadron Colliders will, apparently, constitute a large thrust of the comedy/videos on this website. It's been a sub-, sub-genre of comedy long unexploited, and rullgood.com was formed partially to fill that gap. We're gonna be huge in Switzerland. But I digress. As the homie Rakim would say, ch-ch-check out my melody below:
Best Parts:
1. When Audrina goes 'What?' It's an expression of such blank, unadulterated, unfiltered idiocy, like the look on a baby's face when it soils itself. Except, of course, most babies grow into normal, functioning humans capable of carrying on normal human conversations, and Audrina just goes Full Retard on m-effers (word to Tropic Thunder). 2. The long, painful, lingering pause as Audrina's tiny, woefully underdeveloped brain attempts to process the information it just received. You can almost see the half-neurons misfiring as her ceiling eyes slip further upward for a second, sub-consciously looking to the heavens for some help so that she won't embarrass herself, her family, and her father's underperforming sperm by speaking her tiny, miniscule, worthless, redundant heap of quivering grey matter that she passes off as her mind. 3. But, alas, the heavens do not answer Audrina's feverish prayers for help, and she speaks, slaying reason like a mighty warrior of lore. It's so, so awesome.
For those unaware of 'no homo' or 'pause', allow me to - very briefly - acquaint you. First, as a disclaimer, I should note that this is all super offensive and homophobic. Those problems, however, do not make this video any less funny. Imagine 'no homo' or 'pause' as a defensive 'that's what she said' for males if they accidentally say something that could be construed as gay. As an example, if a male were to say, while referring to getting jabbed with a ski pole, 'It was super long and hard,' he could follow that up with 'no homo', or 'pause', so as to let his friends know that he's not gay. It was started by those inimitable titans of civilization - Cam'ron's The Diplomats - and it has gained a certain ease of use (no homo just in case) in homophobic circles. It is, of course, kind of funny. But offensive. And dumb. To clarify my rambling - rullgood is not homophobic. Generally, from what I understand, 'pause' is used in more polite company - so that one can alert others in one's presence that one is not gay, despite what one said, while not offending others who may not be aware of the need to immediately refute anything potentially gay that one says. It's complicated. With that explainer, then, the following video is super hilarious.
In Switzerland, the Large Hadron Collider is attempting to replicate the Big Bang by repeatedly colliding opposing beams of protons or lead ions. It's really incredible stuff. And it gets you thinking about how many small coincidences and strokes of fate had to happen, over millions of years, for the Earth to eventually exist, and for it to be hospitable to human life. It's heady stuff, and it certainly puts everything into perspective. I get this feeling every time I watch this clip - the series of events that would have had to follow each other, in precise timing, for that sprinting child to nearly get decapitated by that basketball is humbling. Bravo, unnamed basketball thrower. Bravo, running child. Bravo, anonymous, courageous cameraman. And bravo, Fate.
I'm all for the Republicans having a dragqueen as an official spokesman because it speaks to evolution, maturity and acceptance, but I'm not sure Ann Coulter is the person they want front and center on The View.
Among the insane stuff she spoke about, she tried to say that Barack shouldn't identify as an African-American. Hearing her speak about black racial identity is like listening to Andy Dick talk about manhood or listening Colin Farrell talk at all. I love the part where Whoopi nearly beat her ass.
A lot of rappers have gone on record saying that Hip Hop is dead. Apparently Hip Hop was killed by a bunch of Southern Grocery Brokers in 1986 who thought they could rhyme (don't blame Plies). The video is long but well worth it.
Highlights:
* Is this is commercial? Who was the intended audience? Who made them do this?
* 50% of the emcees have any rhythm at all, especially the 2nd and 3rd guy. Maybe they couldn't hear the music. The ones who have zero skill at all just want to get off the camera as soon as possible. Jesse Franklin is the worst.
* I like when one of these dudes tells everyone else to go to hell. I think he really meant it.
Ladies and gentleman - may I introduce you to Internet greatness.
While I am unsure that this is exactly what Al Gore and the other founders of the Internet originally had in mind for their invention, I'm going to ascribe that to pessimism, a lack of imagination, and likely bad taste in music and/or TV shows. In any case, here are a few reasons why this video makes my dreams take flight:
1) Ante Up is top three most badass rap songs ever. Plus, M.O.P. haven't released an album in forever, and if this is the closest I'll get to new M.O.P. material, I'll take it. 2) Bert and Ernie are super sick and dope and shit. 3) The technical mastery - as in a diverse selection of clips, well-matched lip syncing, and lots of puppet jumping - is superlative. 4) The interaction between the various characters is stunning, to say the least. 5) Puppet-rap mashup videos are hallowed Internet ground, in my opinion, and this is the effing Holy Grail of said category. In other words, if mashup videos are the Internet equivalent of disaster movies, Bert and Ernie's 'Ante Up' is like an endless loop of the brief exciting moments in 'Titanic' where the ship is capsizing and everyone's falling off the sides. It's also like 'The Poseidon Adventure' (the original version), if only because the one way that the Bert and Ernie video could be improved would be a healthy dose of a pork chop-sideburned Gene Hackman.
Check out these highlights from this Youtube series called "Worst Movie Scenes of All Time" Episode 1 and 8 (the others are easy to find) featuring garbage from Steven Segal and Pat Morita. The second video is kind of long, but well worth it (skip to 0:45)
Update: Let's recap why this video with Pat Morita is so sick:
1.) Jay Leno is in it, and people thought he could be an action star
2.) The way the bad guy shoots at them like a carnival game, not really trying to kill them, but hunting them, like The Game, setting up the final kill where he runs them down.
3.) Jay Leno saying to leave him to die - then adding comic relief that Morita is running the wrong way.
4.) Pat Morita running 200 yards toward a speeding car (the bad guy doesn't shoot at him because of #2) and kicking the man in the face through the windshield.
5.) Morita laying unconscious on the car, being dragged about and then the car catching on fire.
