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The Christian Bale Files

The original:



The techno remix:



The Christian Bale vs. Bill O'Reilly remix:



Amazing. It's a shame, in the end, about all of this fuckery - Christian Bale is talented as hell, and I bet that lighting guy did actually eff his ess up. While screaming at dude for four minutes *may* not have been the best resolution, Christian Bale is Batman, and Patrick Bateman, and John Connor. And Dieter Dengler. He's all of those. He's like Bo Jackson, if Bo Jackson was also Michael Phelps and Wayne Gretzky, and Rudolf Nureyev, and Ricky Henderson, and Bo Jackson. Do you know how awesome that is? Dude really shouldn't have fucking touched Bale's fucking lights. Fuck.

Drugs are Kool

Check out this high kid after a visit to his neighborhood dentist.  I wish I was this cool when I'm wasted. 

Highlights:

* "Is this real life?"

*"is this going to be forever?"

*"arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

BTW: I hope the dad repeatedly asking if it 'feels good' doesn't come back to bite him.  

Thanks Hailey for the video.

Clay Aiken as a child, except less weird looking

I LOVE how the kid's go-to dance move is to hug himself, shiver, and slightly bounce his body up and down. It's inexplicable (but terrific), and I shall be testing it out on the dance floor asap. I imagine it's what Jello Biafra looks like when he sings, or what people look like as they slowly slip into the cold clutches of hypothermia.
Anyway... there's not too much to say about this video, actually. It's a blond-haired kid, dancing and singing to Britney Spears (both badly, I should add, though I risk coming across as too harsh a critic - I just have my standards for Internet dancing, and it starts and ends with Aunt Jackie, basically), and then his mom scares him, and he promptly lets loose a horrific scream that fades out as he collapses on the floor, presumably dead, while his mom chuckles.

What's Beef aka Record Marketing 101

In case you haven't followed the latest episodes of "Hip-Hop Beef", Coke Rapper (yeah, it's a genre) Rick Ross has come under heavy criticism due to indisputable evidence that he was once a Miami Dade County Corrections Officer (BTW is he drawing a pension?).  By now, you've probably noticed the problem; it's hard to believe that you once unloaded tons of bricks of yay when you are strip searching car thieves in a prison.   It just doesn't mix. 

Anyway, 50 Cent doesn't like it one bit (personally I don't mind because Ross is a talented man). And although there is equally as intense speculation that 50 was a snitch, 50 has decided to out Ross BY INTERVIEWING ROSS' BABY'S MOM, AIRING OUT HIS SECRETS, AND THEN TAKING HER SHOPPING.  Did you read what I just typed?

IMHO, the worst part isn't Baby's Mom saying that Ross' entire lifestyle is a farce.  It's not when Baby's Mom explains how Officer Rick took away the car that Baby's Mom had been driving for 2 years.  It's not 50's asshole attitude exemplified when he hinted that he and Baby's Mom were going to sleep together.  It's not when they play Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" over the shopping sequence.  It's when 50 Cent shows a picture of Ross's mom saying that she looks like the Nutty Professor.   That is the single worst part of the entire movie. 

I think we as a community should post this video on Urbandictionary.com under "Crossing the Line" or maybe under a new term called "Double Dutching over the Line".  I thought it was a rule to leave Moms out of it.  Looks like 50 doesn't play by rules.  Ross, do something! Doesn't Noriega owe you one-thousand favors? 

Vomitus Maximus

Perfect, awe-inspiring, delightful, superb... I'm running out of superlatives here. Just watch it.



Could you imagine being that guy? I mean honestly - who pukes during an interview? On a scale of 1-10 in terms of gulliness, it's like (a?) googolplex, if numbers could wear thick, old school gold chains, carry baseball bats (wooden, obvi), and had neck tattoos. Plus, the not washing your hair for months before an interview is supremely gully as well.
Want to know what's not gully, though? Sighing loudly, dropping your vomit-spittly chin down to your chest, and sadly gazing at the ejected contents of your stomach while the dumbfounded anchor attempts to end the interview. He should have manned up and just gone on with the interview like nothing happened. WWSSD, m-effer - What Would Steven Seagal Do? WWSSD! Words to live by. Especially if you're a spontaneous puker.